Those She Left Behind
by Callaway Queen
Summary: TC finds it hard to love the child Chris died giving birth to.i know that's not a really good summary


DISCLAIMER: Dr. Tiffani St. Louis, Dr. Adanna Lewis and Jendaya belong to me. The song 'How Do I' belongs to LeAnn Rimes. You know who the Pac Blue gang belongs to.

A/N: THOSE SHE LEFT BEHIND takes place about 3 years after SNAFU. In this version Cory lost the baby, which Will was the father of. Chris made her stay permanent and she and TC, after quite a long time worked out their many differences and renewed their wedding vows and well this story takes place some time after that.

FOR: All my friends whose names I used in this fic. Especially my best friend; Tabia and her adorable 3 year old cousin; Jendaya (Jen-Day-Ah) for allowing me to use her name.

THOSE SHE LEFT BEHIND.

**CHAPTER 1**

"Come on Chris you can do it! The head's right there all you have to do is give me a couple of good pushes and it'll all be over," Dr. Tiffani St. Louis told Chris anxiously.

"You can do it baby," TC said to her, as he stood at her side, his hand turning red under the pressure Chris was applying to it. "Just push Chris," he said again as he removed the hair that was now clinging to her clammy forehead and face.

"What…..the……hell……do you……think……...I'm doing!" she yelled at him between strong intakes of breath.

"That's it Chris the head's out. Come on. Come on. PUSH!" Dr. St. Louis coached her once again as a very loud wail ripped through the room.

"That's our baby," TC told her as he kissed her forehead and let out a relieved/happy laugh.

Chris apparently didn't feel the same way. "Get this baby out of me now!" she roared as she gave one final push and collapsed against the pillows.

"It's a girl," Dr. St. Louis announced proudly, almost as if it were her who had just given birth.

A huge smile broke out on TC's face as he looked down at his wife, who was lying against the pillows, motionless.

"Chris?" TC called out to her softly, all his attention now solely on her.

Just then there was a continuous beep and TC's head shot up to look at the monitor. A once curvy line was now becoming straight.

"Chris!" he yelled at her, "Do something!" he then yelled at the doctors in the room, "Why isn't she waking up!" he shouted hysterically.

There was a sudden flurry of movement as the doctors started bustling around the room. Yelling for this and yelling for that.

"Please get that man out of the room" he heard someone shout.

"Sir I'm sorry but you have to leave," he heard someone tell him. He heard only voices, saw no faces except Chris' as she lay motionless on the bed with doctors completely surrounding her.

Without realizing it, he had made his way to a corner and the back of the room and was now looking on in distress. He prayed that this was a nightmare. Prayed that he was in bed and would wake up to find a sleeping Chris huddled as close to him as her huge stomach would allow. How could this possibly be happening?

Just yesterday they were sitting side by side deciding on a name. After much bickering they had decided that if it were a boy, his name would be Jaden which meant 'God has heard' for a first name and Christian for a middle and if it were a girl, her first name would be Jendaya which meant 'Thankful' and Teri for the middle.

But, much to his dismay, those prayers weren't answered. They had been through so much to be together and even more to become parents. And now this……

Why was this happening to them?

He jus stood there, rooted to the spot. And after what seemed like a thousand years, they broke the news to him. She was gone. They explained what had happened, tried to tell him the reason for her untimely death and tried to offer words of comfort by saying that this sometimes happened but he wouldn't let them. He didn't want to hear the reason for his wife dying, couldn't bear it.

He blindly stumbled out of the room and into Cory. He seemed not to recognize her until she asked, "What's wrong? I saw them carry the baby…..Is it Chris? Is she okay?" Cory asked all in one breath. She peered deeply into TC's eyes which told a tale of their own. Something had gone horribly wrong.

"What's wrong TC?" she asked shaking him. He only stared at her, almost as if he was seeing straight through her. "TC would you please tell me what happened," she pleaded as tears began the path down her face. "What's happened to Chris?"

He then looked at her, as if seeing her for the first time.

"She's gone," he whispered.

"What do you mean she's gone?" Cory whispered horrified.

"She died Cory. Chris is dead," he answered. Just then the reality of what had just taken place hit him. Chris was dead. They would no longer see her or hear her voice. All they had now were memories. And the little girl Chris had given her life for.

They both collapsed against the chairs right outside the room. Both overcome with immeasurable grief for a wife and a best friend who had been taken away without warning.

TC was crying, yes crying and Cory gave him all the support she could. She couldn't even begin to imagine what he was feeling inside. So they just sat there holding each other, giving the other what support they could.

After a moment, the door opened slowly and then there she was, slowly being rolled out of the room, her body covered with a white sheet.

TC shot up from his seat the moment he realized what was happening and went to stand next to her body.

"Can I…..? I just want to see her." TC asked clearly still in shock.

"Sure," one of the doctors answered softly.

He slowly raised a trembling hand and pulled the covering from her face. She looked so different. So pale, so still, so helpless, so serene and so very peaceful. He trailed a finger slowly along the side of her face, realizing that he would never be able to do this again. He then ran his fingers through her hair, embedding the feeling of it in his mind forever. Then bent and kissed her ever so gently on the forehead. Cory came to stand next to him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. They stood silently just looking at her until a nurse told them that they had to go. TC wanted so desperately to go with her, wherever they were taking her, just as long as they could be together. He never let out his thoughts and instead slowly replaced the covering over her face. With a sympathetic look at him they continued down the hallway and into an elevator.

"It's funny isn't it?" he asked Cory "I always thought that she'd be brought down in some terrible bike accident or by some senseless criminal but I never thought she'd be brought down by something like this."

"TC I……….." Cory began but was cut off by a lady.

"Excuse me. Mr. Callaway?" she asked softy.

"Yes?" TC asked as he turned to look at her. What could she want? He'd already had all the bad news he could handle.

"I'm Dr. Adanna Lewis, I'm terribly sorry about your loss." She said benevolently.

Why was every one so damn sorry? TC thought. Sorry is not going to bring back my wife! He yelled to himself. "Yea thanks." He told her calmly.

"I'm your daughter's doctor, would you like to see her?" she asked.

His daughter. It dawned on him then that he would be raising a child, their daughter, on his own. This baby would grow up without ever knowing her mother.

"Okay," he said hesitantly.

Thoughts were going through TC's mind at a million miles per second as they walked to the nursery. The one that stood out though was the fact that this baby was the reason for Chris' death. Suddenly he wished that Chris could have been the one to survive. It would have taken time, but they would have gotten over it, together. If only they had been given a choice.

They entered the nursery and were suddenly surrounded by little squirming figures. They came to stop in front of a crying baby dressed in pink.

"She's so beautiful," Cory said as she started a fresh load of tears.

"Why is she crying like that?" TC asked clearly irritated by his daughter's loud wails.

"She's probably just hungry," she told him, taking the baby up. "Would you like to hold her?"

"NO," TC answered with more force than he intended. "Cory why don't you take her?" he suggested quickly.

"Oh no I really don't…." she began.

"It's okay," TC reassured her, "Go ahead."

The doctor instructed her on how to hold her hands and then placed the baby in it.

"Oh TC," she whispered as she rocked her gently "She's so tiny and I think she got Chris' temper," Cory remarked as the wails now became more subdued. "She certainly got her blue eyes," she said as the baby was now looking directly at her, "TC you should hold her," she said as she stepped in his direction.

"I said no okay!" he shouted at her as he stepped back. "I just really can't handle her right now," and he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to. He felt that it was so unfair that Chris was now dead and she was here, a constant reminder of how Chris had died.

"Fine," Cory told him "Did you guys decide on a name?" she asked changing the subject.

"Uh yea. It's Jendaya. Jendaya Teri."

"Jendaya Teri Callaway," Cory said as she looked down at the now quiet child. "Do you like that?" she asked as she continued to rock her.

"Is she okay? I mean is she healthy?" she asked Dr. Lewis.

"Yes she is. You can take her home tomorrow. It's mandatory that we keep her for 24 hours." She informed them.

TC nodded solemnly.

"I should really get going, I have a million things to do," which includes telling everyone my wife's dead and planning her funeral he added silently. "Cory do you need a ride?" he asked her quickly.

"Thanks but I don't. TC I don't think you should be driving in your…."

"I'm okay," he stated firmly. Knowing full well that he could collapse at any moment.

"Fine just be careful," Cory cautioned.

"I'll be back tomorrow," he told Dr. Lewis before he turned and began making his way out.

"Aren't you gonna say goodbye to your daughter?" Cory called after him.

He stopped in his tracks, turned his head to look at Cory and then continued on his way.

It seemed, to him, that Chris was even more present now than she had been before. She was there when he got into the car that was once hers. The Audi Convertible she had won some years aback. It was hard for him to imagine that just a couple of hours ago; they were both in the car together. TC behind the wheel and Chris in the back seat screaming at him to go faster or she would have the baby right there in the back seat.

He would now forever be spared the wrath Chris' fury could unleash. He found himself remembering all the fights they had had over such trifle things. Like him forgetting to do the dishes or buying the wrong hair shampoo.

As he entered the house, Chris' presence suddenly surrounded him. On the couch in the living room there were all the pillows TC had used to make her as comfortable as he could. All the magazines she had read.

Upon entering the kitchen he saw the remainder of the sandwich and glass of milk she had been eating when her water broke. The glass still had the imprint of her lips which had been caused by the lip gloss she had been wearing. Cherry flavored lip gloss. TC remembered kissing her and tasting it.

He ran a hand through his disheveled hair in frustration. Had all of this only been some hours ago?

He went upstairs next and stopped in front of the nursery. She had picked almost everything herself and had only consulted TC if she absolutely could not make up her mind about something. TC had let her do it because she had been so excited and happy. Sometimes waking him at an outrageous hour in the morning because she had just gotten an idea in her sleep. When he had had enough he quietly closed the door and went to their room. He stood outside, couldn't bring himself to step into it. The room that held the most memories. Just the night before they had sat there bickering over a name for their unborn child.

That undid him. And he sped out of the house like it was on fire. He walked until he realized that he was at their special spot. On the pier over looking the beach. They used to come there all the time. Sometimes they would just sit on the benches, listening to the crash of the waves.

He remembered this one time she had sung to him. Le Ann Rimes' 'How Do I'. When she had finished she had jokingly told him that she had written that song for him but had given it to Le Ann for her to sing because she had the better voice.

He sat down on a bench then, and reminisced about their life together, with the words of 'How Do I' playing over and over in his head.

_How do I get through one night without you?_

_If I had to live without you_

_What kind of life would that be?_

_Oh I, I need you in my arms_

_Need you to hold_

_You're my world, my heart, my soul_

_If you ever leave_

_Baby you would take away everything good in my life_

_And tell me now_

_How do I live without you?_

_I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you?_

_If you ever go_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

_How do I_

_How do I_

_Oh, how do I live?_

_Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky_

_There would be no love in my life_

_There'd be no world left for me_

_And I, oh Baby, I don't know what I would do_

_I'd be lost if I lost you_

_If you ever leave_

_Baby you would take away everything real in my life_

_And tell me now_

_How do I live without you?_

_I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you?_

_If you ever go_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

_How do I_

_How do I_

_Oh, how do I live? _

_Please tell me baby_

_How do I go on?_

_If you ever leave_

_Baby you would take away everything_

_Need you with me_

_Baby don't you know that you're everything good in my life_

_And tell me now_

_How do I live without you?_

_I want to know_

_How do I breathe without you?_

_If you ever go_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

_How do I_

_How do I_

_Oh, how do I live?_

_How do I live without you?_

_How do I live without you baby_

_How do I live...?_

He would soon find out, wouldn't he?

BR>... BR>

That's the end of this chapter. Read and Review. Thanks.


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